Hill has bigger concerns. The 35-year-old juggles roles as a wife, mother, and a public relations account manager. But she loses one day a week to her role as a breast cancer patient, tending to the various appointments concerning the disease: chemotherapy, occupational therapy, and others.
Thursday, Hill will be profiled in a, Lifetime Television for Women special, "Fighting for Our Future." The documentary, part of the network's commitment to Breast Cancer Awareness Month, airs at 7 p.m. and profiles seven breast cancer survivors in their 20s and 30s. Debunking the popular opinion that breast cancer affects only older women, the one-hour show, hosted by Melissa Joan Hart, emphasizes various issues concerning young women (ages 40 and under) with the disease.
Young women make up only 8 percent of breast cancer cases, according to the American Cancer Society. But for these women, the stakes are higher, because breast cancer in younger patients generally progresses faster and the mortality rates are higher. Also, undergoing chemotherapy, young women may suffer side effects such as infertility and early menopause.
Young women may be a minority in the world's fight against breast cancer, but, according to a study in the journal Cancer published by Michigan State University and Dr. Ernie Bodai, director of breast surgical services at Kaiser Permanente, a non-profit health maintenance organization, they are responsible for more than 80 percent of the breast cancer medical malpractice suits. Because breast cancer in young women is rare, many physicians often ignore the early symptoms of the disease.
Such was the case for Hill, who was diagnosed at age 32. She was nursing her infant son and found a lump while massaging plugged milk ducts in the shower. Hill went to the doctor, only to be told, "'Tracy, you're too young for breast cancer. You've been nursing a child, you're athletic, you don't smoke, you don't have a high-risk factor. It's nothing. Let it go.'"
She did, until six months later, when the physician thought it was suspicious, too. Hill underwent a number of exams and a lumpectomy to determine if the tumor was cancerous. It was, and her breast had to be removed.
In September 2000, Hill began chemotherapy and continued every three weeks for eight rounds. She lost all her hair, suffered nausea, and stopped menstruating. She lived cancer-free for 10 months until November 2001, when a biopsy confirmed that the disease had spread to the lymph nodes of her neck and underarm. The following month she began treatment, which she continues to undergo. With this particular chemo agent, Hill says, she does not suffer the typical side effects. That makes the treatment more bearable but also raises other concerns.
"I'm growing hair and I'm menstruating again, but does that mean also that cancer has found a way to grow around that? Nobody knows for sure," she says. Best case scenario? The cancer will be kept under control indefinitely. Hill, who says she feels healthy and strong, will live to be old and gray and dance at her son's wedding, which has been her goal since her first diagnosis.
Worst case scenario? "I can be dead by next year," she says. Her attitude changed a bit after the second diagnosis. Before, she kept herself busy with fitness and other activities, thinking that if she didn't stop, the disease couldn't catch her. Now: "It's caught me," she says. "It's with me, and I have to deal with it. ... It's not the worst of the worst, but it's not good." Hill has also gotten over the feelings of anger and resentment toward her physician, for ignoring her concerns the first time, and toward herself, for not insisting on a diagnostic test. She has replaced anger with the determination to be more assertive and proactive. She has made herself her best healthcare advocate, she says. "I'm not taking what anybody says as gospel anymore," she says. "I ask a lot of questions, and I take up a lot of [my physician's] time, but you know what? At the end of the day, I'm the one that's going home with cancer."
And Hill has learned to appreciate each moment, so much that in a way, she sees the diagnosis as a blessing. She actually thinks about death less than she did before cancer, she says. But tears spring to her eyes when she thinks about the moments of her son's life that she might miss. Jason, the energetic 3-year-old, doesn't know specifically about breast cancer, but he knows that Mommy has to take medicine and that Mommy gets tired easily.
Hill feels both angry and fearful, knowing that Jason may have to grow up without her. "I don't understand," she says. "You've given me this son, and now you're telling me I don't get to raise him? What kind of crap is that? I was pretty ticked off at God." Many nights, when rocking Jason to sleep or reading him a book, Hill stares at him, trying to get him to remember her. "I'm so afraid this boy is going to grow up and not have a memory of me and how much I love him and how much he means to me," she says. "I can't bear the thought of things I could miss."
Jason is what saves Hill from the disease, she says. Knowing that her little boy and husband need her - that's what keeps her going. "Whatever I have to do, it will be so that I may stay here, raise my son, and be a good wife to my husband. Those boys are my goal." Accepting cancer as a chronic disease, Hill will continue with chemotherapy for as long as she has to. She has a lot to live for and the determination to put up a very good fight.
"I'm stronger than this disease," she says. "I am not going down like this."
Eunnie Park's e-mail address is parke@northjersey.com
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Facts
A National Cancer Institute report estimates that about 1 in 8 women in the United States will develop breast cancer during her lifetime.
Breast cancer is the leading cause of cancer deaths for women between ages 15 and 40.
In the United States, there are 250,000 women under 40 living with breast cancer.
One in about 250 women between ages 30 and 40 will be diagnosed with breast cancer within the next 10 years.
Approximately 11,000 women under age 40 will be diagnosed with breast cancer this year, and close to 1,300 will die.
When detected in its earliest stages, the five-year survival rate for young women with breast cancer is 82 percent.
Young women are virtually excluded from breast cancer studies; most are conducted on women over age 45.
Source: Young Survival Coalition. www.youngsurvival.org
What you can do:
Give yourself self-exams.
Become familiar with your body.
Be your own best health advocate - be an educated and active participant of your health care.
Ask a lot of questions.
Source: Tracy Hill
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